what 2015 did to me

So, this year has been quite an experience.

This year has been pure fucking magic, honestly.

Everything is good, actually.

Everything is hard, and a little weird, but good.

Right now I’m so sick I can’t even talk and life is still good.

This year I learned so many things.

This year I just exploded in knowledge of all types and that is amazing.

2015 was probably the best year I’ve had in my entire life.

I started university, my mom moved out of the country, I turned 18, I fell in love, I met lots of new people, I became a totally new different person and I’m actually not loving it, but things can change and I have the power to do so, so I can’t complain about it.

Right now my life is in such a raw point that I could only describe it as a seed being planted. Plenty of them, in fact.

Plenty of dreams, plenty of hope, plenty of will power, plenty of vision, plenty of determination, plenty of change, plenty of growth.

This year I lost track of many things.

One of the things that I lost track of was purity and innocence.

I lost track of those. Reaming immaculate was not longer a thing to keep in mind.

It was just something I was afraid of. Like being afraid of what could be behind a door, or a wall.

It was real and deep fear of the unknown. It was fear of what it could be. It was fear of pain, of sadness, of gaining wisdom through some bad experiences that could literally change the course of my life.

I’m still afraid. I’m terrified. But I’m now dealing with fear by facing it.

I regret some things, I do not regret others.

I appreciate how things went out and how things have continued to be.

I realized that I’ve never been this young, hopeful and empowered ever before, and I’m totally ready to use it to take over this world.

This year I’ve probably been in my worst and best moments.

I’ve realized some dreams, and failed to succeed as well. But I’m fine with that. I’m fine with not being perfect and I’m perfectly fine with trying my hardest and still not getting the results I wanted. I know someday I’ll achieve all of my goals and they will be better than I expected.

And in the same way I learnt a few things about life and love, and even hating, I’ve also come to the realization that I need to learn a thing or two, or an infinite number of things. It depends on how you look at it.

I’m just grateful because I’m here. I’m alive, I’m healthy, I’m loved by myself and others, I’ve got food and clothes and I can change the world. And that’s awesome. I’m just a lady that’s still trying to figure out things a regular young adult should already know about him or herself but still doesn’t have a clue about, and I really hope that’s fine.

I’m just someone walking on Earth, trying to do the best thing I can do, trying to make the best decisions and trying not to fuck things up so bad.

I’m still figuring out how to understand my own mind and how to my body the way it is, and that’s hard but not impossible.

I’m still having dreams about NYC and Paris and travelling the world, and even if the years pass I can tell those dreams change. And, if they change, it’s because got more intense.

Life is good and you should be young and free and reckless and look for the good thing and do good things and stop complaining and worrying so badly.

When things get hard just hold on and cry when you’re overwhelmed but don’t you ever think you are alone or not loved at all.

You are unique, special, capable and freacking amazing. And that’s your essence. You are a smart-ass girl, and you like to know a few facts that no one knows.

You keep being you.

Because this world deserves to see your beauty unfold, grow and shine.

You are brave, girl. And live is for those who are brave enough to conquer their dreams.

So go ahead and conquer every single dream, every single project, every single little thing that you want to achieve.

Because, you, you can do it.